the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize