If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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