I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
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My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
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k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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