I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
So squirting runs in the family.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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