I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
