I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
