you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
