Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
