you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
