I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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