You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
