Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
