I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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