i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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