just come out here and I will go home with you...
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
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I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
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Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
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