What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
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I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
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The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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