Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
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Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
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Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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