Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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