Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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