There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
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well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
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I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
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