You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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