I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
