Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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