I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
My vagina just clenched in fear
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
