6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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