EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
