I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
