ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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