the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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