If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
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Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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