Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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