im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
This baby is an asshole
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
