Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
