Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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