got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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