i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
