she was so not down for the gang bang
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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