Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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