I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
