mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
