I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
