The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
