I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
