the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
