How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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