PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Never joke about your clitoris.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
