Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
