3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
