WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
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My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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