you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
