if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
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He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
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Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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