you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
