She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
