My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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