So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
