Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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