:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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